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"I'm home Ma" she called out as she let the screen door slam behind her. "Is there any mail for me?" Walking into the kitchen, her mother standing by the stove stirring the pot of cooked cabbage. "Only what's on the counter Gertie." Gertrude walked over to the counter and leafed through the envelopes. Nothing but bills. She let them drop down and then she walked out of the kitchen. "Don't go far dear, supper will be ready shortly." Not answering her mother, she climbed the stairs to her room.
Entering her room, the stifling heat was unbearable. Checking to see if her window was open, yes it was. She walked over to a small fan on her dresser table and turned on the switch. The blades in the little machine started to turn slowly at first, then into full speed. She positioned it to blow on her as she sat down on her bed. Removing her shoes, and then opening the drawer to her night stand. She pulled out a picture in a frame. Kissing the picture and then looking longingly at it. "Why haven't I heard from you? Why won't you write to me?" She wiped a single tear that escaped her blue eyes. It started to run down her cheek to be wiped away by a swipe of her hand.
Clutching the picture to her heart, she laid back on her bed thinking about him. He was away overseas and probably in trenches, surely he could have wrote her a quick note to let her know he was all right. Was she being unreasonable? Should she have been more understanding knowing that what he was doing was so very important. Not just to him but his country. Yet she missed him so, and not hearing was worse than anything. She prayed that he was safe, and that soon the war would be over and he would come home to her. Looking again at his picture, she remembered the day he gave it to her. It was their first month anniversary. He came to pick her up after supper. He gave her the picture with a single rose. She cried, giving him a card that she had made herself with a poem she had written for him. They went to the carnival afterwards, and had a wonderful time. Tommy had won her a huge teddy bear that night. She looked over to the bear sitting on top of her dresser. She went over to it and held it close to her. Going back to her bed she lay with the bear feeling its warmth. Wishing it were Tommy there with her.
Her mother called in a distance, supper was ready. Gertrude wasn't really hungry, was it the heat or her sadness that killed her appetite? It didn't really matter, her mother would make sure she ate. There was a plate full of boiled cabbage and potatoes waiting for her. All they seemed to be eating lately was cabbage and potatoes. It didn't matter how much money she made at work, it just wasn't enough. Times were difficult, and Dad was too sick to work. They were running tests to see what the problem was exactly, and the tests were costing a fortune. Gertrude had already taken a second job to make sure they were able to survive the hard times, with the war and her father's illness.
After supper Gertrude sat in the parlor with her mother. Both holding dresses in their hands. Sewing with dim lights. While she sewed she thought of Tommy again. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She tried not to be unreasonable. How else could she feel, she loved him and missed him terribly. Thinking of his smiles, the smell that would remain on her clothes after they had embraced. How she missed his embraces. He always made her laugh, and she had a way to make him laugh too. Stop it! she thought to herself. It was difficult sewing with blurred vision. If she was going to cry she should do it in the privacy of her own room. She didn't want to worry her parents. They would only scold her and tell her she was selfish. Was she being selfish?
The footsteps on the porch alarmed the two women. The knock was so loud and hard. Gertrude put down her dress and rose to open the door. Tommy's father, Mr. Douglas was standing at the door. He looked very serious. He pulled an envelope from his pocket. Handing it to Gertrude with trembling fingers. She trembled as well as she opened it and started to read it. Tears exploded as she read the telegram. Her heart had been torn out. Her Tommy had been killed in action. Mr. Douglas took the shaking Gertrude into his arms and tried to comfort her. She wailed out loud, dropping the telegram onto the porch. Her mother pulled her into the house and invited Mr. Douglas to enter as well. He thanked her but declined. He had to return home to his own family, he had wanted to break the news to Gertrude before she heard it from another source.
Gertrude sat on the sofa, crying and starting into space. It couldn't be true she thought to herself. Wrapping her arms around herself and rocking back and forth. No Tommy! she screamed to herself. How could she ever go on? Her mother brought her a tea, making her drink it. All Gertrude did was rock back and forth, repeating "Not Tommy!"
June 1998